Of Stepmothers and the Torturers of the young

A stepmother abused her  eleven year old step daughter girl with chilli on her genitals and mouth ! A man kicked the back and abdomen of his adopted daughter daughter killing her.Such horrifying stories is so common nowadays. What is it in humans that cause them such perverse actions, the cruelty  and inhumane treatment of others? Sadists! Sick!They do not care for the pain and sufferings of the young and the innocent! This has become a hot topic in coffee shops and the chit chat sessions among the ladies. Many were just appalled,indignant; mostly disgusted . A woman could be so cruel!!. Some questioned -That stepmother-would it cure her evil streak  if as a punishment, someone does the same to her own daughter?? No, that would be unfair, her daughter is innocent. But an eye for an eye ,  on the perpetrator herself  is worth the consideration. Imprisonment would be too easy on this woman and the likes of her. How about subjecting her to the same treatment, she gave this poor girl, they chorused ? The rationale behind this proposal??-they  who carry out such acts do not know the actual pain and sufferings, until they  suffer it, themselves. Maybe, maybe!!

There are many childless couples out there praying desperately for a child. They spend time, efforts and resources trying to conceive a child. And, people wishing to adopt  a child go through lengthy processes and a long wait before they could bring home a child. Such celebrations when they finally got their wish! BUT Those who are blessed,  just throw them away; as easy as pouring water down the drain. Sad that a  certain  part of society has become so cruel and unfeeling. Do people adopt children to torture them and treat them worse than animals? Whatever happen to love and charity? Question- If a child is not your own flesh and blood, does it mean that you could torture and hurt without any guilt, remorse, devoid of feelings?? It is so hard to believe that there is in humans such a mean and evil streak. Is there karma? What happened to the thunder and lighting, mothers of old, used to warn their children, when they were young. Like-if you do evil things, thunder will roar and the lighting will strike you?

There is certainly a need to cure the mental illness,  that insanity present in perverse humans. There is a need for more psychology studies and a cure. What is it that give rise to such animalistic  behaviour and actions?  I wish the attention of law makers, NGOs and the like would turn to put right -more pressing matters  and the  championing of  the needs of the poor, the defenceless, rather than vain  issues which cause discord and brew storms..  .

Yesterday

A friend forwarded me  a compilation of reflections- a series of mirror images which shows the real -the present time - facing the youth of your yesterdays. Memory, Remembrance and that message is incredibly  powerful. The passage of time, the speed in which time leads us through this journey of life. It was only yesterday, you put on your kindie clothes and proudly set off for your first day in kindergarten. Before you knew it, you were in primary school, then secondary, college and then you have graduated! Next came the wedding bells and then cry of your first born....Your spring, went on to Summer. Then one morning you wake up and found this wrinkled person staring back at you from the mirror. Hello! Who is this?? Since when have I grown so old? Reflections flood in, your mind travels back...Sigh!

I smile when I saw those pictures.......indeed it was just like yesterday...when a young naive girl spread out her hands  to the big blue skies to welcome in her first step into adulthood! She was full of life, filled to the brim with confidence. Whee..Weeee! Freedom! Joy!! Haha! What would she give to regain back the wonders and the simple contentment of the yesteryears, where the meanings of such words as worry, anxieties and stress, and of course the AGE  related are only found in the dictionary!.

Speaking in front of an audience.

One of my new students had stage fright, when asked to introduce herself to  her classmates. She was reduced to a bag  of nerves. I see myself in her -those -once upon a time days and instantly empathise.

Everything sort of goes blank, you feel cold and clammy and the tears threaten. I had a wonderful  class teacher who refused to give up on me.She was a strong believer that once you give in to your fears, you will never be able to move forward. Of course at that point of time, I hated her. I screamed "witch"at her from my heart.

So she got a wobbly  me out in front of the class and and told me "For now, your classmates do not exist. They  are all objects-tables and chairs". She looked me right in the eye and asked me gently, "Do you understand?" I nodded my head silently. Next she put her hand on my shoulder." Now close your eyes,  do you feel my hand on your shoulder? Okay", she said very softly. " Focus on my hand. There's no one here except you and me .Now tell me about yourself."

Slowly but surely, she got me talking,guiding me with easy to answer questions and before I knew it, the ordeal was over. When I went back to my seat, I felt I had accomplished something. Seriously. My friends gave me a congratulatory applause and that helps too. That method may be old fashion but it  helped at that point of time.

This freebie-two hours public speaking workshop, I attended a long time ago also gave me a few pointers. A nervous looking man was asked to speak on a topic for five minutes  up on the stage. He took one look at us, his  co-attendees, perhaps fifty odd people and instantly, freak out. "My mind went blank," he explained later.  So what was the advice given? If nerves get to you, focus on a point, an object in front of you, a dot, xtra, xtra -if you have a friend in the audience, imagine you are speaking to that person alone-the rest of the audience have disappeared. It might not be practical if you need interaction from your audience. What then? My mentor cheekily told me," just tell yourself, they are kids -small people-you are teacher-big" . Why be afraid of small kids? Not easy, but he got a point there.

In a presentation, you know before hand what you need to speak about,-prepare short notes on small cards and number those cards, in case somehow they got jumbled up.   If your mind refused to function, take a quick glance at your notes and it will click back on track. Remember even very established speakers, need to fall back on notes sometimes and they do get the occasional attack of nerves and cold feet as well. Nothing to be ashamed of but work on overcoming those fears. It is an asset to be confident in front of an audience. Cheers!

Let none be bigots

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I like the truth in  Marina Mahathir's  statement "Strength comes from being educated and in tune with the realities of the world, not living in some fantasy land filled with bigots.(Source-Sunday Star 5th Jan 2014)

 Marina's wish  for 2014 is for more Malaysians to wake up and realise the danger this country is in. A person of clarity who really love her country!

Infact Marina Mahathir is the one who opened my eyes to the fact  that Islam is actually a religion of peace and tolerance ( I read her write-ups sometimes and admire her courage) and she walk the talk when she turned up at the Church of Our Lady of Lourdes this morning with some 40 Muslim friends to lend support when some NGOs wanted to demonstrate in front of the church over the "Allah" issue.  God bless their  big hearts.

Back to her statement. That is a call from the heart  to ALL Malaysians -to wake up and do something  about the deteriorating situation in this land of ours.

Everyone need to stop and examine themselves and their actions- start building; and stop tearing down progress and bridges of peace, harmony and friendship. 

This land  belongs to all,.We need each other.  We are part of the same body-same Nation. Let us be friends and work together as one people-Malaysians -and  preserve the wholesome goodness of this land, we call home. Peace people!

Compliments & social lines

How well do you take compliments and how well do you manage social lines?

When you pay someone a compliment, like, "Friend, you look amazing today!" Do you get a simple thank you, you look great yourself. OR the blush, the confused look and then" No lah..you see the dark circles under my eyes?". You see someone wearing a lovely dress and it really becomes her and you gushed, " What a stunning dress! You look lovely in it." She looks uneasily at you , then muttered shyly , " Just an old dress,  nothing great." The proper response? A gracious "thank you" will do. If you like, throw in some garnish , " You don't look too bad yourself, you look fabulous too." You could return compliment for compliment but keep it simple. Some of my friends, say a simple thank you and then provide a little detail..my husband/boyfriend gave it to me as a birthday present. No hard and fast rule there- the little extra detail, could become a conversation topic.  But do accept compliments graciously.

And what about this particular social line, commonly used by society, "Lovely wife you've got. Wah, your husband is handsome." How do you handle such a social line?

This exchange really took place...After a business discussion with a younger couple, an elderly lady stood up to take her leave. To part on a cordial  note, she said, "you are a lovely couple, then added to the lady of the house .." that's  a handsome husband you've got there" . The  flustered look and then she responded, "you want him?"

Most Malaysians and Asians for that matter..do not know how to handle such lines. That line has become a norm and so are similar with the  likes of - "Lovely family you have got there." Accept it as  the truth and a compliment (social lines need not necessarily be just politeness)so just say a  simple thank or laugh/ smile in appreciation. My British friends would respond, "Yes, isn't she gorgeous. OR" 'Thank you, I'm sure he  appreciates your compliment."

Learn to handle compliments and social lines well. In today's living, everything is business and it pays to pick up some social graces. Thank you/s enhances , it leaves a fragrance of your presence.

Simple food

source-internet

One of my favourite food is fried mee hoon (rice noodles) . I prepare it simple- plenty of garlic (chopped into small pieces) and fried fragrant. Next,  add in slices of chicken (boneless)or pork if  you take pork , then some prawns, some chilli, salt, a little black sauce. Finally the meehoon - mix well.

Fry until cooked , then add in the greens. I normally use 'sawi' or cabbage . Some like it with 'tau geh" .Note- if you use beans sprout -'tau geh' best yum it up fast, because it get 'bad' after some time-soggy. If you use, cabbage/sawi  it last until the next day without any problems. Cut your cabbage/sawi -small. Cook just enough for a meal if you do not want to eat left overs. BUT I personally like to cook enough for two meals. Safe time and efforts. Live simple.

If you like-you may pre-fry a couple of eggs, cut them into thin strips and arrange them on the finish product. Oh yes, a couple of red chillies, cut in small rings or in strips add to the colour and the taste. Don't cost much but it is nutritious and actually quite delicious. Mighty  popular with friends and those who come a calling.

Harmony and Safety-the wish list

New Year wishes from two Netizens: Source-The Star-Wed 1-2014

"I wish for Malaysia to be the way it was, when I was a kid. Everyone liked everyone, there were no two ways of doing anything. Everyone trusted everyone. I wish my children and grandchildren would experience it for themselves-Nagamany Govindan

It touched a cord in my heart. So true of the good old days. Basically it is a  Constructed "race"  issue and from there so many negative aspects have arisen. No elaborations needed. Many old timers also  have also commented on the growing racialism in Malaysia.  Good relationship and  harmony does make a prosperous nation. We have indeed lost a great deal of that magical property to live together as one people of a nation. Let us pray for unity and the return of the once a time a time- harmony!

The other wish, I echo is Diana Chin's -"I wish Malaysia will be safe for us to walk the streets again without having to look all around and be always living in fear for your family's safety on the road.".

Many of us eking out a living have no time for a walk or a jog. The only time is early morning before the sun is up and late evenings but those are also the times , criminals and robbers thrive. So, our lazy muscles do not see much movement now.  I remember the good old times, when the  neighbourhood  playgrounds were already buzzing with activities -well made used of by joggers, walkers and tai chi groups at six in the morning.

Today, nobody ventures out until it is bright. What a waste of a beautiful morning when the air is fresh and clean!! Don't even mention the after seven in the evenings.

And on the roads, when we hear the sound of motorcycles, we shrink back in fear. A snatch thief on the prowl?? Peace has gone into hiding. Ya, I do wish for safe roads, safe streets.

With reported cases of robbers climbing over the fences of residential homes, people can't even relax on their own porch after a hard day's work, anymore! Everywhere we see padlocked homes. What a shame!

Do the wishes get actioned by our honourable Elects?

2014, a Year of Great Adventures -Be Resourceful People!!

Here, we are!! 2014 greeted me with the roars of cars from the road,( indicating that the world is alive) , bright sunshine and a peaceful calm. Hurrah! Good omens for 2014??We pray that is so.

I'm not going to ask about your resolutions, because I myself have  not made any resolutions this year. It is one step at a time according to the needs and the providence of the year but I intend to take each step  with an inbuilt trust in the above. So, I'm going to ask, how many of last year's resolutions have you kept? So you made 10, but did you manage to keep 5 at least? For those with a tick, congratulations, for the crosses..continue working  on it this year! Do not give up!

Moderation is the key this year. Tighten your belts. I advocate eating in more- more home cooking -there is savings and quality food there, plus the bonus of   family togetherness. Home cooked food are definitely more healthy and nutritious. Instead of spending our time shopping , do something more constructive and useful. Fine clothes and accessories do not make fine living. If you really need new stuff, how about being less conscious of "brands" and "labels". Some of the mass produce clothes are just as quality and beautiful. It is how you wear your clothes that makes you look a million ! Class is how you carry yourself!

Combat the price hike with a change in lifestyle. Now is the time to do more reading. Now is the time to teach children to value money, instil savings, to understand responsibilities. Get them to understand the implications of the price hike. You will be surprised, just how matured they could be.  Go back to  simple living. Simple is good. This year -it is about managing and managing your life well. Forget what others think. Throw appearances to the dumps- garbage it-be realistic and be more down to earth-look after  your private contentment and satisfaction. What you have is more important than what the ego want to show others-remember that!!

Again, have a great year ahead folks!!