The Tongue and The art of giving Advice

The tongue can do many things. It soothes, comforts, pampers, delights, encourages, bring happiness,creates magical moments, heaven and yet, it could blister and hurt so utterly. Yes, it could send you to hell and give you hell in a split of  a second.

 In one dreadful spat, the tongue could take away the peace of a person and bring in anxieties and sorrow.One roll of the tongue and you could either lose your smile or see sunshine.

 Do not under estimate the power of this small flap of flesh in your mouth. It is a vital and crucial component of you. Without  it you can't express yourself. You cannot speak. You cannot enjoy food  nor know the wonderful  flavours of food and their taste. That vital sense of taste, which promotes, feelings,pleasure is not in place. That, that small member of the body  holds so much power never ceases to  amaze me. Let's talk a little about its power on the roll, flow  and throll of speech.

Smart Alecs  a No, No!!

For instance, someone you know  is  in a tough situation. Do you hasten to offer him/her advise? You must  do this, and this and this??. Later, you notice this person shy away from you;  he/she avoids you.  You wonder why?

Yes, you meant well, but this individual  is already at the  low end perhaps, barely able to keep the emotions balanced.  Your well meaning advices had probably cut them  in the raw. Do you know that sometimes, advice can be pretty judgemental and hurtful? It puts you up there and the needy person below. Do you realise that "well meaning" advices could actually make a person feel small? If you really want to help, invite him/her to sit with you, on the same level.  Remember in such situations, Smart Alecs, are not welcomed , not wanted!!

A heartful hug brings in the comfort. No words needed.  Sometimes silence are more powerful than all the well meaning chatters.

How about a friendly and warm conversation without referring to their misfortunes?   That, could sometimes brings in cautious confidences. Be sure your tongue has all the ingredients of wisdom and  empathy when that moment comes.  Do not go overboard with your sympathies. They would hate that! Rather, (in that break moment) share your own "experiences" and how you overcame your "situation". That is more receptive, pleasing  and comforting to the ears, than the tons of well meaning advices. It brings in the self realisation, Hei, I'm not alone...my friend too went through bad times.  If she could overcome her problems , so can I!! Hope suggested and shared and that becomes a healing balm, gratefully accepted. No barriers to break down, goes straight to the mind. You bring in the realisation and the rest is up to them and more often than not, they follow up with positive actions. 

Is there reincarnation?

Sister, do not grieve
too much, he will
always be with you.

Karpal Singh,bless his soul was a great man. He was and remain an inspiration.I admire the fearless powerful roar of the tiger, the dedication to his cause, his clear sightedness,  the self belief and focus in him.Few could fit his shoes.  I wish I had the opportunity of  a handshake and a few words with him before he passed on, but not everyone is that fortunate. Friends or Foes, you got to give it to the man, he was extraordinary. The wheelchair did not stop his prowess, nor did it dim his charisma . Injury only made him stronger and more determined! And now, death, has made him a legend, a great Legend, which history cannot deny and  will definitely honour.

 I could go on, but already society and the world flood with acknowledgement and acclaim, of this awesome man, so I will not venture into that sphere. Instead, as an ordinary woman, I will touch on  another aspect of him, the human side, which brings out the romanticism and the admiration of both men and women. His steely fortitude and single mindedness in the pursuit of  the girl of his dreams.This came from one of  the earlier published interviews, a major local media had with his wife, Gurmit Kaur, some time ago. She was just eight when she caught his eye and he patiently waited in the background, without disturbing her peace until she had completed her O levels . Then he went to her father ,declared his intention and sought his  permission. The rest as they say  is history. They went on to have 5 children and marital bliss.

A glimpse of  the Tiger's great love  for his wife, and his continued devotion to her all his life is a delicious tale out of the pages of a story book, only it's real. A match in heaven. Their story is a great inspiration to the marriage institution. It brings out the imagination in YT. People talk about the karma and the reincarnation thing. Many religion believe in reincarnation,  teach and speak about the taking of many journeys until the spirit and soul finds peace and return home for good. Christians do not have such a belief, but the Writer in YT wonders, could their story be  a case of reincarnation..that he had loved her some time, somewhere before? Perhaps, in his previous journey, he made her a promise of eternal love. Or,his love is so great, that he'd returned to find her and he did find her, recognised her , married her, to continue their love story?? They say,memories of great love never fades. YT has seen many Hindi, Korean and Chinese movies focusing on that storyline and belief. They feed the imagination and touches something in you. You go away feeling that something as marvellous as that has to have a touch of heavenly grace..Bless them.

All of a sudden, I am reminded of yet another great love story- from decades old. I do not know if anyone remembers this great Muslim Judge,(I forget his name, though I can still visualise his face). He fell in love with a sickly Chinese lady (Rose). She wasn't so well educated, neither was she able to communicate well  in Malay or English, but love kept them perfectly tuned to each other. She could not fit into his social crowd, because of her educational lacking but he voluntarily  stayed  away from his social circle for her sake. Cancer racked her, his love never dimmed. He devotedly nursed and cared  for her. When she died, he was utterly heart broken and later died of loneliness and the pain  of not being with her.  I still remember the pages and pages of poems in the News straits times, he dedicated to her.

There are love stories, but there are extraordinary love stories like these two. It makes YT think , there may be such a thing as a love so great, the spirit and soul does indeed return to find and reclaim love  cut short by previous time and God in his great mercy and compassion allows that.

So is there more than one journey before Judgement Day? Inspirational  stories like these  makes YT wonder.Could that account for why, on the odd occasion, when she was in a certain place, she had this uncanny feeling, she had being there before? Or a stranger pass by and you think, I've seen this person before, somewhere, sometime??

Remaking of the old and beautiful-Is that necessary?

Is there no more ideas and new stories to write and create, except for pinching the ideas of the old and splashing a combination of ugly colours over them?  Is there nothing more producers and scriptwriters  could offer, but to parody, remake, recast and satire on the old??. Is there no more creativity  left that they have to attack  the purity of the old to distort,  and add  harsh elements, darkness and the unthinkable to the fairy tales we grew up with?
I'd always love Snow White and the seven dwarfs and Cinderella, gosh, that is  just so romantic . I grew up with the notion that happiness is when a prince comes in his shiny armour and carry me off to a land of joy and contentment, where I live happily ever after. Of course, there is always the bad witch hovering around, but at the end of the day, there is my prince waiting to rescue me and he does it with great style.

But now there is a sour and bitter version to those lovely stories. I really hate the adult reality of those versions. They flood the cyber-world. I  have personally received plenty of  not so nice images of the married Cinderella and Snow white, the behind the door realities, via email.   It appeared, there is no such thing as fairy tale ending after all. Those were mere constructed  illusions and wishful thinking. Now that the man has gotten  his princess, safely confined in his home, he can turn 360 degrees and his "princess" has to live with it. With the apple safely in his hand, he could now  pursue and conquer other territories, leaving his beautiful princess  lonely and alone,  more bitter by the day. Is that what life is,  in reality? Behind every close door, there are skeletons, and the unsavoury ? Are they trying to douse out the flames of all romantics in the world, "hello! there is no such thing as fairy tale ending?" Of course, "fairy tale" itself, reads fiction, imagination but, do they really need to douse out the flames, completely? Is that why parents do not read bed time stories to children any more? .

It is just like the Father Christmas thing. I was adamant that my children enjoy their childhood with Father Christmas, Santa Claus and every-year I would  take great pains to buy gifts and hide them and on Christmas day, viola! Santa Claus had come bearing loads of gifts on Christmas eve! We were the average working couple and there was never excesses, but we made sure, Santa brings in the gifts. Seeing the happiness on the faces of the children makes the day, creates so much meaning to our roles as parents. Year after year, they would look forward to Christmas and when the season comes, the house is always alive with the joys of Christmas. The expectancy and the hope were so beautiful to see. As parents, we worked hard to fulfil their secret desires. Then one day, the neighbours, wickedly disillusioned the children and the joys of Santa was lost for ever. Talk about insensitivity!!Father Christmas never paid a visit ever again, and the magic of Christmas was totally wiped out-pooh! gone! I remembered being sad for the children, sad, they had to accept truth in such a brutal manner and at such a tender age. It would be better if maturity brings in the realisation but ...

Again, is there no more creativity in the world that people have to thrash up the fairy tales and trade them for  ugliness, even though there is truth beneath? Could they not create something new and leave the purity and beauty of the fairy tales to remain forever beautiful in the minds of children ; and those who had grown up with such lovely tales? They  do feed the lacking in us and tell us, there is hope yet. I would say, leave the beauty alone. Do not spoil the landscape. If anyone wishes, please create new stories, new imagery with reality and realism incorporated. That would be advancing into the current and the futuristic. I hesitate  to    use the word post modernization, because, hei, that is a term for the academics and not for us walkers of the ordinary plains of life.