My new discovery -Creative Non Fiction

My course in English Studies has lead  me to a genre,  that has tremendous width , height and depth- the extraordinary of Creative non fiction and its many forms.  In memoirs especially, it helps me set up  my boundaries; direct focus on the facts, the 'truths',  the events of my past. It liberates me, releasing me from  the habitual tip toeing over  the literary surface,  that "keep out' sign firmly fixed on the door knob.No entry! I write the words not  what  Michael Steinberg termed the inner story and the thoughts which brings in the soul..

Now, a little window opens. It sets me on a course of exploration, the questioning, the re-examination. Why I have taken this particular exploratory journey now? Why do I  find it worth the  while to retrace  my footsteps,back  in this direction? . What is it that  I have left locked up , that only half of me walks the living days and nights all this while, while the other had remained in the closet in mute solitude?. I've been only partial, for so long  that I have forgotten about the other  existence until writers like Patrica Hampl, Rushdie and of course my mentor  Ms. Leong , open my mind and blew  away the cobwebs that a little sunbeam peek in and touched the forgotten.

 I stood on the outside , looking in , observing...I'm eavesdropping . I hear  my thoughts ,my thinking, my heart. I  see this  young urchin  filling up the empty pages of this  huge book, intoxicated by the tales that flowed effortlessly from her. I see her sparkling eyes, hear  the vibrant of her voice, and feel her passion. And then, a void, a darkness, which shuts me out. I'm unable to see through, unable to bridge  the big gap and though, I search and dig under the surface, I'm unable to find the thread back to that fountain of vivid imagination.  Who, why  and what turned off  the tap?  What stopped the flow of creativity?


Lately, I've been bothered  by a dream,  there I was walking confidently and in good spirit and then I come to this tunnel in a cave ....suddenly, I was afraid  and unable to go on... the tunnel slopes downwards, and I do not know the depth. No, wait,  on closer examination,  it wasn't sloping downwards at all, there is just darkness midway through  and that had the appearance of going downwards but it was a straight tunnel. .I am disturbed by my inability to see ahead and so I turned back. In my heart, I know,  that is the direction, I should be going. And yet......the light reaches only  midway into the tunnel. I am afraid, I wish there is someone with me..It is as though, I'm venturing into a forbidden zone. That tunnel leads  not only into the past but to the space of before- a  life , a journey travelled before. It is like crossing back, something forbidden, unless angels lead you through and bring you back. It requires the blessings of the divine.


Perhaps, I should arm myself with a powerful torch and steel myself to get beyond the obscure and the unknown, the next time the tunnel in the cave appears.. Then perhaps, I could  find the vital piece ,  the missing link to connect  and reunited  with that  Weaver of Tales again. Perhaps, she would speak to me and explain her reason, why she had been gone for so long. Then, maybe  the ghosts of the past will  be at  peace and  I could fearlessly  venture into that cave, that tunnel  and roam freely on the pastures  at the other side of  the tunnel, no more forbidden , but a source of light for the now and the future.