Misgivings.

I've had plenty of time to mull over the immediate and distant past. My  glances had strayed much, over much  to the other side of the fence, the heart troubled- tugged by strange and unexplained longings  which had kept my spirit so restless and unfulfilled all this while. Now as I reflected, and look again, I realise that, that  pasture over the other side, is not all  lush greens. It is not all beautiful. There are also vast emptiness, dryness which needs cultivation, nurturing and  plenty of hard work.. One has to work to beautify. Nothing comes easy; nothing is achievable without  scaling the heights and conquering the challenges. And challenges is what gives life its character and colours. Challenges is something you cannot avoid nor could you escape from. Clearly,I had not spent enough time appreciating my side of the pasture ; which had yielded plenty of good fruits and brought plenty  of good people into my living.

Passion cannot stand on its own without the resourcefulness ,  the determination and  clearly,the support of community and society. Passion cannot thrive without the perseverance, the ability to  complete tasks. Passion must come  with the knowledge, the gift and the destiny.  Neither could the structural frame  firmed and rise up without the support of society's affluent - they who open up opportunities and lend a helping hand to ensure that we progress in the right direction.Many talents go undiscovered , die a quiet death  for the lack of 'angels'. Others, though given plenty of opportunities, still flickered out and vanish into oblivion. Fact is, they are the surface travellers,  their skills lack depth ;insufficient  substance. In the beginning, they appeared promising but time exposed their lack of roots and they shivered up and die away in the challenging heat..

I always believed, my purpose is writing and  I lamented the obstacles and  the many 'stops' which had driven me almost  insane, in days gone past. Bitterness tossed and turned-creating illusionary potholes and the hurts-blurring joys. .

Now I'm not so sure. Purpose for some people is clear and distinct but for some, murky and in need of clarity.  I could have been mistaken. Perhaps,   destiny purposed  something else  for me and   I had totally misconstrued, my  true calling. Perhaps, I 've been deaf  when true purpose  called. I don't know. Then, confusion shackled me.

But I do not obsess after success  any more I'm beyond caring. It is late in the evening. I no longer crave. I've given my best and that is enough. Destiny must destined else the paths cannot bring in the fruits and the harvest. The eyes cannot see, the sight will lack clarity and the steps will falter. .Yearning, longing and the wish list is a pure waste of time. Living the real  and enjoying precious moments in the present and appreciating it , is more important, because you see, ultimately, it is Destiny-The Creator who  decides, directs and give the marks..

Then again, who knows, perhaps my true purpose (only God knows what) is already well done-fulfilled and Destiny  is already well pleased with my results..I've been  blessed with the treasures which comes with a good home. I have journeyed worthily. So many angels surround me. I may not be JK Rowlings but still I'm writing in my own way and loving every minute of it. Money and fame is not everything. It is the satisfaction and joy it gives to the spirit, the heart and the soul.

Perhaps, my true purpose is really just understanding the meaning of life...I don't know but certainly after meeting up with reality,  peace and calm is finally making its way in.