Musings -Marriage & the Empty Nest.

There comes a time in everyone's life, when everything quietens down; the children have flown the nest and most days you enjoy the serenity of your home surroundings doing your own thing. If you are lucky, your spouse or a partner is  still doting and willing to  help  you pick up those forgotten dreams and  all the things you had cold storaged when you were busy raising that beautiful family of yours. If not, silence may get to you, unless you find a new direction in life.

Remember those times? Everything else sort of  blanks out, it's children first, husband first. loved ones first. In most traditional homes, mother in laws and father in laws counts among the priorities too. They  need caring as well. Marriage is beautiful, but really not a bed of roses- it comes complete with thorns -wise up. Most giddy romance dies after the honeymoon, that's when  you descend from the moon and comes back to earth. There is cost to starting a life together. There is the house, the insurance, the car instalments to pay. There are the bills to take care of. Daily expenses to keep you going, not forgetting the stress of keeping your partner and family happy.. Then there are the children's needs , cost of education, and the list goes on. Mind boggling! But if you do not take the plunge and  have a mate, are you able to take your winter years alone??


Once the little ones have flown the nest, and you are alone in that massive space of house and home, you finally have time to look at yourself and the man or woman in your life once again. The fresh faced beauty and the muscular young hunk is gone...you see a much older woman, with all the signs of autumn. He has a pot belly, muscles have given away to  saggy skin.He is wrinkled and grey. They seemed entirely different persons. Could you still build up the closeness and togetherness of  the yesterdays?? Do you still have it in you to return to the same  romantic spot of times past and rekindle those emotive feelings that got both of you hitched for life in the first place? Or has the passion cooled to coldness, frozen to no recovery? Has familiarity  bred contempt?? Has life become a routine minus the wonderment??


Many people I spoke to, literally has this to say, bringing up a family do take its toll. Life sometimes makes enemies of the person, you were so in love with once upon a time, hence the split and the parting of ways. After some time the "lovey" feelings goes and with that compromise and in comes the fights.  A beauty queen recently divorced her husband , a prominent Datuk after more than 45 years of marriage, at a time when companionship is so important. (She's already in her sixties ). To her it was worth the split. It was a matter of her value in his sight, she found so lacking.A case of " The seed that fell on infertile soil and when the sun shines, the roots shrivelled up and it died". . No more faith and trust in the relationship.

Some  value the marriage institution so they tolerate and bear with each other until death do them part. And  blessed are those still holding hands right into the sunset. They are the ones who take time to find each other again after  the young have flown the nest.They still have it in them to love and cherish each other; they  still see each other as they did  many years ago.  They are the ones who  help each other pick up each other's  forgotten dreams. They find new purpose in life to keep their  romance going and this time round, it is not for loved ones but themselves, now that their responsibilities are done.

I'm always touched when I see the greys and the silver haired, holding hands and smiling into each other's eyes. They are the real treasures of the world. Every woman dreams that her man still holds her hand ,cherish, and cares for her right into the sun set. A very strong shoulder to lean on . I'm sure the men have similar dreams too, a faithful and loving spouse right to the end . But..how many first class diamonds are there in this world?